Posts tagged Smile at Fear

I have always been intrigued by the idea of teaching and learning, in institutionalized settings and even more so on the level of personal relationships and interactions. What happens, deep down, when one person learns from another? And what kind of learning happens when one or both parties are coming to the table with an agenda? I think about this stuff all the time.

If my memory serves me correctly, I have learned the most from people who were not really invested in my learning at all. People who, for whatever reason, took a liking to me and let me sort of dwell in their space, but other than that just let me do my thing.

I think this is because with investment comes agenda (and vice versa), and as soon as I can sense that someone has an agenda for me (especially an agenda that they’re not forthcoming with or transparent about) I, at worst, tune them out, and at best, scrutinize every word they say. Most of my institutionalized education experiences involved agendas (which makes sense, that’s their job I guess). The better experiences left lots of room for students own construction of meaning, the good to mediocre experiences told students a bunch of stuff, and the worst experiences (ethically at least, in my opinion) were those that pretend to be something they were not; “False Democracy” -like experiences in which students were made to feel and think they had voice, and agency, and that they’re opinion mattered, but culminated with the teacher / professor corralling every one’s ideas and opinions into a pen of their own thought, in the hopes that they had so artfully lead us to the edge of their ideas and realizations that we would soon adopt them as our own. These were the worst experiences for me because it felt a little like I was being conned. OK, I’m digressing.

So back to this idea of teaching and learning - lol! :) I have learned the most from being in the presence of people who were embody-ments of their values, regardless of whether my and their values aligned. There is nothing more interesting and intriguing than watching someone just be who they are; watching them navigate the world in an integral way. Even and especially if that way is full of starts and stops and involves trying on many different ways of being. There is something captivating about observing someone who is genuine.

All of this brings me to why I even started writing this blog post to begin with (!) (I get so tangential sometimes!). I am reading a book called Smile at Fear by Chogyam Trungpa. There is a beautiful passage I’d like to share about teaching, helping others to wake up, and charlatan teachers. It’s below. I appreciate this passage a lot. I feel like it beautifully sums up the uneasiness I feel with the concept of actively “teaching” and illuminates what is possible when you have understanding / presence / genuineness.

“We have developed our own discipline and understanding of fearlessness, but how can we share that with others? Metaphorically speaking, there are all sorts of extreme ways of waking others: knocking on their doors, shouting, pouring cold water on them - all sorts of ways of waking people up. Most of us have tried those ways of communicating with others in our life, as well as pounding on their heads and overwhelming them. When we use too much force without enough basic authority, or presence, then the joke will be on us. Things will bounce back on us. A genuine warrior wouldn’t act this way at all.

If your basic approach to communication is to get exasperated with people, as though you are tearing yourself to shreds on stage in front of an audience, some people might be convinced by your performance. If the audience is gullible enough, this technique might work. This has been done quite successfully by some people in the past. This is often the approach of charlatan teachers. However, when you have already discovered and connected with your own genuineness, a display like this won’t work. It will backfire on you. That is the warrior’s saving grace. It’s a natural protective mechanism that makes it impossible for the true warrior to con others successfully.

There is only one way a true warrior can project to others: through personal understanding. Then you can demonstrate to people that their poverty-logic about their lives does not hold truth. Let them wake that way.”

- Chogyam Trungpa, Smile at Fear